i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
you told grandpa to call you daddy
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
