Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
