I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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