he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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