East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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