To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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