Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
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he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
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I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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