I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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