Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I don't think brook has ever known best
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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