The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
