My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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