i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
