Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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