I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize