sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Everclear isn't food dammit
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
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