Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
