maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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