I hate your face
Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
