Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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