My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
