he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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