My sheets look like a crime scene.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize