im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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