i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
