my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.