so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
He called his prostate his "boner button".
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.