I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
These 23 Kids Have The Most Overbearing Parents Imaginable
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.