i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
These 25 Irresponsible People Blew All Their Cash On Drugs, Booze, & Sex
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to