Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?