DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
