She said her name was "party"
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.