Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.