Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.