some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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