i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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