his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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