I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
