How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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