I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
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You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
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On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize