I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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