i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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