Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
this is an emotional support booty call
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
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