Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
My life is pants optional.
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