capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
