Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
