Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
