Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
