yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
