I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
