Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
