Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
