She went from zero to smokin in five shots
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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