all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
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