i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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