i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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