I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Randomize
