He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
