haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
