So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
