I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
