When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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