The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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