I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
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