Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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