i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
