I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
then he tried to convert me to islam
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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