You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
ok first of all what the fuck
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
