its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
