it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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