Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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