this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
