After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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