I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
they're like a gay fantastic four
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
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