before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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