I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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