She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
