im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
